Halloween Hauntings
by luluguineapig
Summary: Bart and Jaime go trick-or-treating with Milagro and have fun with Halloween pranks.


"Wow, this place is so crash!" Bart exclaimed as he, Jaime, and 6-year-old Milagro entered the Halloween costume shop. Bart frantically rushed around inspecting everything while Milagro giggled at his curiosity.

Jaime clamped a hand on the speedsters shoulder.

"Calm down, ése. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves," he hissed under his breath. Bart grinned.

"Keeping a low-profile. Not letting anyone know how awesome we are. Got it!" He gave Jaime a cheesy thumbs up.

Jaime and Bart had been in a relationship for two months now. It wasn't very serious, so they had decided not to tell anyone about it. For Jaime, the reasoning was as simple as living in the conservative state of Texas and not knowing how his family would react.

Bart, on the other hand, thought it would just complicate things too much with their friends and the league got involved. He knew that there was still a lot of discrimination going on in this era, whereas in the post-apocalyptic, reach-invasion future that he was from, people didn't even have the time _think_ about love, much less care whom _others_ were dating.

So both of them were scared to go into this relationship, but they had decided to try it anyway. Milagro, of course, was completely oblivious to all of this as she dragged both Bart and Jaime towards the kids' aisle.

"What do you want to be this year?" Bart asked her earnestly. He had never celebrated Halloween before, and the whole idea of dressing up and getting free candy sounded 100 percent crash to him.

"I don't know yet. Help me look," she ordered. Bart grinned and helped her paw through hundreds of capes, cloaks, and dresses. "What are _you_ going to be, Jaime?" She asked.

"I think I should go as Superman," Jaime answered her proudly.

"Superman is stupid," Milagro replied bitterly. Jaime's jaw fell open and Bart snorted in laughter.

"He is not 'stupid!' He's strong and awesome!" Jaime defended one of his favorite superheroes and coworkers. Milagro stuck out her tongue.

"Yes he is. He's stupid and fat," she said. Bart nearly fell over.

"Those are his muscles, dumdum," he told her.

"Whatever."

"What about…Batman. I would make a pretty sweet Batman, don't you think, Bart?"

"Batman is mean and stupid, just like you," Milagro answered for Bart. Jaime scoffed and Bart guffawed.

"Well what about the Flash then, huh?" Jaime asked his sister smirking at Bart. Bart stuck his tongue out at Jaime. Milagro turned and looked at her brother with wide eyes.

"The Flash. Is. Awesome! He's so funny and nice," she said.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bart crumpled onto the floor.

"Shut up," Jaime retorted bitterly. Milagro finally pulled out a costume she liked.

"I'm going to be the Green Lantern!" She held up the green and black costume to her person.

"Alright, great, let's get it and go," Jaime sighed unenthusiastically.

"Wait a minute, her-man-oh! I still need to find my costume!" Bart exclaimed. Jaime rolled his eyes as Milagro jumped up and down gleefully. She grabbed Bart by his shirt and dragged him towards the men's aisle.

"Oooh! You could be a wizard, or a hotdog, or a princess…," Milagro rattled off as Bart disappeared towards his doom.

Milagro laughed her butt off on Halloween when Bart and Jaime were finally in their respective costumes. Bart had suckered Jaime into wearing a couple's costume, and Jaime was already deeply regretting it.

"Aw yeah! Got to catch 'em all!" Bart exclaimed as he held up a pokeball and sauntered into the room as Ash Ketchum. Jaime slumped forward in a giant Pikachu suit.

"Pika, pika," he said in a monotone, unamused voice. Ever since Bart had discovered Pokémon, he spent every Saturday morning that he had off watching the show, and it was driving Jaime nuts. Milagro laughed like a maniac.

"We look stupid," Jaime muttered.

"We look _Kah_-rash!" Bart danced around and flipped his trainer's hat on backwards.

"Are you guys ready to go?" Jaime sighed. Both Bart and Milagro nodded vigorously. And so they were off. Bart got Jaime to smile a bit once they started going trick-or-treating. His boyfriend was so goofy, and though Jaime would never admit it, he thought the costumes were actually pretty cute.

The night pressed on and Milagro's pillowcase grew with candy. They had been out for nearly 2 hours when she started to look a bit weary.

"I need to go potty," she informed them.

"Alright, why don't we go up to this last house and they we'll go home," Jaime suggested.

"'Kay."

She rang the doorbell with Bart and Jaime close behind her.

"This has been great, Jaime," Bart whispered to his boyfriend. Jaime smiled. Their private moment was interrupted when a scraggily, pot-bellied, middle-aged man opened the door.

"Trick-or-treat!" Milagro chimed gleefully. The man was about to hand her some candy when he glared at Jaime and Bart.

"The hell are you s'posed to be?" He asked gruffly. Jaime was taken aback by his rough tone, but Bart ignored it.

"I'm Ash Ketchum, a Pokémon trainer! This is my Pokémon, Pikachu, and my associate, the Green Lantern!" Bart motioned to Milagro. The man took a KitKat and threw it at Bart's head. His fast reflexes allowed him to dodge and the candy bar went flying into the street.

"Go away, faggots," the man bellowed, and started to close the door. The word rang in both Bart's and Jaime's ears. Milagro pushed the door to keep it open.

"Could, I, uh, have some candy, please?" She didn't understand what was going on, but she knew that she deserved some candy. The man looked at her sympathetically and then at the couple behind her and snarled.

"Look, you don't have to like us. Just give my kid-sister some chocolate and we'll be on our way," Jaime remained calm. The man bent down to Milagro's size and spoke to her exclusively.

"I'm sorry kid, but I can't give you any candy because your brother is a faggot," the man explained. Milagro didn't understand what the man was trying to say, but Jaime felt sick to his stomach. Was it really necessary to embarrass him this way? In front of his little sister?! Bart pulled Milagro away from the man protectively.

"That's enough," he said and moved her and Jaime along away from the house.

"Ass-fuckers!" The man called out as he slammed the door. Bart covered Milagro's ears so that she didn't hear the curse.

"What happened?" She asked Bart.

"He was being a bully," Jaime explained for him.

"Oh," Milagro frowned. "Is that why he didn't give me any candy?" She asked. Her older brother nodded. "Oh."

The group paused for a moment on the side-walk.

"Jaime, I have to go to the bathroom," Milagro whined.

"Alright, let's go home."

Bart stayed still as a figurative light bulb switched on above his head.

"Hey Milagro," Bart stopped the group from moving any further. "Have you ever gone potty outside?" Bart asked innocently.

"What?" She was confused.

"Yeah, you know, going to the bathroom in the great outdoors! It's exhilarating! Or, um, really fun!" Bart added.

"Bartholomew James Allen, I swear to God,-" Jaime started.

"Cool!" Milagro interrupted.

"Yeah! Why don't you go in the grass over there! It's dark so no one will see you," Bart suggested. He pointed to the man's front lawn. Before Jaime could say a word, Milagro darted over to the yard, and dropped her pants. Jaime gaped in horror and turned to his boyfriend.

"What did you just do?!"

"Justice?" Bart shrugged. Jaime groaned.

"I am NEVER taking you out again, do you hear me! It's like having to babysit _two_ children out here!"

"All finished," Milagro said proudly waddled up to Bart and Jaime. Jaime still couldn't believe the event that had just transpired. It was something straight out of a movie. A _horror _movie.

"I-I-I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!" Jaime shouted at Bart. Bart laughed and laughed.

"You're washing your hand as soon as we get home, Milagro," Jaime ordered.

"Okay," Milagro agreed. Bart was in stitches.

"And no more candy for _you_!" Jaime told Bart.

**The next morning… -**

The man from the night before got up out of bed and started to get ready for his morning power walk. He walked over to the breakfast table where his wife had made eggs and toast.

"Coffee," he demanded, and she rushed off to make some. He scowled as he marched outside to retrieve the daily newspaper. His wife had just set the fresh coffee down on the table when he stormed back inside, furious.

"Someone's motherfucking dog took a shit in out yard, Eleanor! _Our _yard! I just paid for that stupid thing to be weeded!" He screamed. His wife huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Well then, you better get your ass outside and clean it up," she suggested unsympathetically. His face swelled up fat and red with rage as he put on his good jacket and grabbed a shovel.

**The End.**


End file.
